The Liver Blog is Retiring

You know what, Bob is right. It's time to put his liver away. Honestly, I think it wants to live a quiet life now and just do what it's supposed to do -- be a little noticed vital organ that binds bile and filters poisons. No drama. No personality.

So I've decided that it's time to stop with the liver shrine in thought, word, and deed.

It's time to move and it's time to move on.

Bob's liver and I are at peace and I am going to leave it alone.

This will be the last dispatch in the Rolling on the Liver blog. After we've crossed state borders and get internet hooked into our Iowa surprise, there will be a new blog and attitude. Please do check back here because I'll post the link here.

In the meantime I continue to happily refer you to Professor Mary Hess's blog for a daily dose of truth and reconciliation.

So what can I say, you have all been just wonderful and I hope you won't leave. It's merely time to change. The liver blog really helped me to process some of what happened and especially how so many people were involved. But I've realized that I can never tell you everything that people did for us. I can never thank everyone enough. I've realized it's impossible. What's that saying, "pay it forward." That's what I hope we can do. And maybe that's what the Iowa surprise is all about.

OK, friends, you've heard it here first. No more mention of Bob's liver. It is hereby now in it's proper place. It has no power over me. I promise. Over and out.

See you in a week or so.

With love, T

We're Moving

Come on over and we'll have a party. Actually, this is what it looked like around here last Saturday when Amanda invited one friend from school over; that somehow turned into a party of six. It was an impromptu girl-boy party. Aren't we such good parents to provide this senstive setting for such a tender growing up milestone?

Anyway, Bob is definitely #1 packer. He pretty much did all of this and more by himself. I'm a schlep. Plus, he finished his cardiac rehab today with flying colors. I told you Bob would be the bionic man one day again. Tada!

Emotions eleven still to come. Wednesday is moving truck day, cleaning apartment day, and take treats to the kids' last day of school day. Holy cow, and I remember like yesterday sending in the fax from our previous locale of Baltimore over seven years ago; a fax of Amanda's kindergarten application to this really cool public school that I had seen in a magazine. I was completely ridiculous in outlining this 4-year-old's every play date, Sunday school class, pre-school experience, kiddie community ed class, time with the babysitter, day care resume, etc, etc, thinking that it would get her in. In reality, all it took was an administrative snafu and wala -- she was accepted into a very wonderful school from all the way across the country, even before we had moved to St. Paul. Three years later, Aidan was grandfathered in. Sometimes all it takes is a clerical mistake and you can be a good mother. Whatever, I got myself two bilingual kids with two mono-lingual parents.

Anyway, 2 days left.

Take care, Love, T

Welcome to Montana!

What are friends for but to take you with to the mountains? At least via the liver blog. So, here are our dear friends, the Anderson's, on their way to Montana. Left to right -- Benny, Miranda, Martha A, Mara. It would be dog gone hard to determine which one is the cutest in this picture.

I do believe those are the Grand Tetons in the background. (I had a college roommate from Jackson Hole, Wyoming.) And there's Lonn in the picture too. Benny must be taking the picture.

This is truly a beautiful picture. Martha A's mother and father in it too; they visited us every time and every day that Bob was in a hospital in Rochester last year. It was Martha's dad, a Mayo MD emeritus, who called us into the emergency room that first time at the Mayo Clinic; the very same night that my brother came to get Bob to take him to the emergency room. And who helped us to decode medical-speak, for example, if they have used the words 'liver transplant' they really mean liver transplant. I thought it was just a euphemism of the liver transplant floor.

Family vacation.

Martha and Lonn. Well, what can I say? It's another one of those I-could-say-so-much pictures. For now I'll leave it at this -- Thanks for everything! Happy Birthday, Martha! Bye! Love you! Miss you! xoxoxoxoxo

Thank you Andersons, for letting us take a peak at your trip to Montana; and for our wonderful friendship.

With love, T

Which way is up?

I do not know the answer to that question. We're moving. All is good. All is great. But there are some really big questions that I cannot answer. Like, where should we get home owner's insurance? Where will my kids go to school? When will they start? Who will enroll them? How do you get to the airport? Is there mold in our new bathrooms?

But I can tell you this. We had a most wonderful dinner with Bob's cousin, Serena, and her fiance' Isaac. Both are living my vicarious lives as political science grad students at the University of Minnesota. So we chat, eat, drink, talk about the Speirs, and then get into Nelson Mandela, union organizing, and ideas on education. And for some reason Amanda and Aidan are amazingly well behaved while there. It's more than the cell phone games, right? We watch slides on South Africa, its vineyards, and Robben Island where Nelson Mandela cracked rocks for years. We consider political and humanitarian work in conflict situations. Of course I mention LWR's groundbreaking work in Colombia, where ordinary people trudge through jungles to negotiate with killers. And we marvel at how smart and fluid Uncle Randall and Aunt Anne are; Serena's grandparents; Bob's special uncle and aunt.

And you should see how much Amanda and Serena share features like height and hair, in spite of over 15 years difference in age, and a couple of college degrees. But I forgot my camera so I'm sorry that I can't show you.

And I am so dog gone tired that I really need to go to bed. It's been quite a week. And I'm sure you've had quite a week too. Didn't everyone have huge weeks?

We're moving to Des Moines in five days. We all wondered where Serena and Isaac will go when they get their PhD's next year and take off to a land of tenured-university-positions. Oh, please, God, let it be Des Moines. Wouldn't that be cool?

Take care everyone. I'm working on a birthday blog. Come back tomorrow.

With love, T

It's Empty Around Here

Hello and welcome to the liver blog. It's so nice to have you here.

I don't have a lot to say because I think my mind is emptying out in the same way our apartment is. The walls are bare. Packed boxes all over. Tomorrow Bob and Cynthia will bring over the bedroom set we inherit from Cynthia's parents. Her Dad died the month before we met her in 1999, just before the all of us moved to Baltimore. Her Mom died 4 days ago. It's been nice to spend time with Cynthia this week. I mentioned to my office-mate, Joanne, that it almost feels holy around here with all the emptiness. Like somehow we are being set free.

In a way, I just wish the next 14 days were over. I wish I could just skip the emotion of it all and move on. It's all good, but I'm not looking forward to another round of drama.

Here are my recent ipod downloads:
Mr Jones by Counting Crows
A Lifetime by Better than Ezra
Found Out About You by Gin Blossoms
Beautiful by g love

Aidan wonders if there is a bowling alley in Des Moines. I wonder about the condition of the bathrooms in the house we just bought. Bob, the only person who has seen the house that we just bought, can't remember. Amanda wonders about the dogs she sees on the Iowa humane society website. If they are taken off the website, does it mean they found a home? Or put to sleep?

I hope you are all well. Take good care.

With love, T

Why I should not write so late at night.

Don't you just want everything? You want kids, a husband, the best career in the world. You want to be a good friend, and great auntie. You want it all. But it usually doesn't work out that way. Something has to give. You want to be at every meeting. You want to cook every hot breakfast. You want to be at every bedtime tuck in. And you just can't. It is impossible. And you have to rely on others and the influence of others to make it work. There's really no other way. It goes back to the big lesson from this past year. You think you are in control, but you're really not. No one is. Control is a myth. Order is over-rated. You just do the best you can and let go. And let the butterfly come to you when it's ready.

Enough philosophizing for tonight. If you want something more substantial, I suggest going to Mary Hess's blog, where there is always a golden nugget of something worthwhile to think about.

Goodnight, T

Emmy Watch

Hi Everyone! Just want to remind you that prime time Emmy awards are on tomorrow night. Here are two good ones to watch for:

The Sopranos
Mrs. Soprano is like butter; James Gandolfini is exquisite.

Broken Trail
just when you thought globalization was a recent thing

And a little Saturday night special here; Bobby Calwell's classic "What You Won't Do For Love." I had the 8-track tape of this when I was a kid. Now have the Go West version on the ipod. Enjoy!

Love, T

Box-o-Wine, I miss You

Hello everyone and welcome to the liver blog. It's so nice to have you here.

Tonight Mary Beth called. Remember our neighbor who advised on how to manage an anorexic -- nobody told me that would come with the marriage deal; it's a liver thing -- and who recommended buying wine by the box? I think I will never buy a bottle again, even if I could afford it. There are just too many good memories of drinking wine in a box with Patrick and Mary Beth.

We would drink as we waited. We waited and waited for the calls. Days, weeks, months. They lived down the hall from us in student housing; a dorm for families. But not anymore because Patrick got a call and they are outta-here. This picture is from his ordination.

One of the really nice things about Patrick's ordination is that I got to chat with the amazing Dr. Mary Hess in the reception line. If I were in another place and another time, I would be a student and she would be my advisor. This is also the day that Mom Speirs enjoyed the ride in the country.

So the Patterson's are one month ahead of us. It works like this -- you wait forever and then BAM it happens. You got a call and then your life becomes a glorious high speed. You get a call and the church wants you to be there ASAP. And you wish you could be there ASAP. But you got a cancer treatment. A business trip. Cardiac rehab. To find a house. To negotiate not to get evicted from student housing. Find a bishop who can fit it into his schedule to lay his hands on your husband. Another business trip. Finesse kids and multiple schools. Plan an ordination, which is like a most holy high wedding. You move. You hope you figure it all out. Holy cow, it's like an avalanche of really, really big stuff.

One moment you're a schlep getting evicted from your apartment. The next moment your a pastor's wife. An insubordinate one.

Well, what the hey. We're going to Patrick's installation. And we may stay overnight. And we my share a box-o-wine like in the good 'ol days. Order is over-rated.

In the meantime, since school has started, I've discovered that the kids like hot breakfasts. And since I've been reading that crazy Anthony Bordain book, I've realized that I enjoy making hot breakfasts. That means that sofar every single morning before school and work, we've had pancakes, muffins, french toast, or eggs. And since Bob is forever on New York City time where you operate in evenings rather than mornings; he's waking up as I go off to work. By then, I've had about an hour or two of cooking breakfast and public radio; our morning goodbyes go something like this:

Me: Goodbye, babe.

Bob waking up: Goodbye, babe.

Me: Did you know that there are now more displaced Iraqi people than Colombian people?

Bob waking up: Oh.

Me: And there are a lot of displaced Colombian people.

Bob waking up: OK.

Me: There are 3 million displaced Colombian people.

Bob waking up: What did you say?

Me: Goodbye.

Bob still sleeping: Goodbye.

Public radio + me = a conversation like that pretty much every morning. Aren't you glad you didn't marry me?

Our nights are much more about Captain Underpants, which I still find incredibly funny. I promise, though, that I will upgrade our reading to Harry Potter soon. Since we are the only people in the world who have not read Harry Potter. And everyone says we simply must read Harry Potter. Well, I am telling you, you simply must read Captain Underpants.

Anyway, here is the picture I've been promising you. It's the one with the matching eye glasses that Bob and I accidently got. Remember that day when we were anticipating our surgeries? And speaking of, Bob says that he sees my surgeon, Dr. Sanan, all the time in the parking ramp at United Hosptial. It's so unfair.

Me and my box-o-wine are going to bed. Goodnight.

Love, T

Welcome to Egypt

Bob's sisters, Carol and Lorrie (center, and center right) just got back from visiting their inlaws in Egypt.

There is so much I could say about this picture. For now I'll sum it up in three words: The Wisconsin Dells. Which is where we all spent the most memorable four days in the history of a seminary career. Forget the Red Sea; the Mediterranean Sea, no. We went to the water park capital of the world. Imagine a grocery store in rural Wisconsin. Imagine two Egyptian men (Magdi and Ragaey, far left and right) at the cash register with a cart full of food, voraciously arguing in Arabic. "I will pay for this!" "No, I insist on paying!" "No, I must pay for this." Needless to say, we ate good that week. (Aiman is taking the picture.)

Anyway, a few weeks ago the Speirs sisters et. al. were wandering around the new mall in Cairo and who did they bump into -- our dear friends from Seminary. It was an impromptu Dells reunion. Hi Magdi, Heba, Rafi, and Wasim, if you're out there! We love you. We miss you. As I said, there's so much more I could tell you about this picture.

More vacation pics. . .

What's not to love? Ragaey and Aiman in their usual serious selves. Great sailor hats! The subtle humor runs in the family as you'll see below. The funny thing is this, Ragaey and Aiman both come from the same small village in Egypt, but met each other in New York City. That's kind of what happened with me and my friend Martha A too. We first met in New York City, but actually grew up 6 miles apart in Rochester, Minnesota.

Laila and Olivia.

Walking a mile in Auntie Lorrie's shoes.

Well, what can I say? Bob and I often shake our heads in despair, because even at times when we are ready to ring each other's neck and trade our blessed union in for something else, we know we can't. We are stuck with each other because we both like our inlaws too much. Once we were in this marriage group thingie for a whole year; we were the failures of the group because we just didn't get it and mostly our interactions were pretty strained. We were sure that all the other couples were worried about us. Finally, one month the topic was "inlaws." Oh my goodness, we passed that session with flying colors! While all the other couples were telling painful tales of horror, Bob and I were just laughing and all animated with funny family foibles. By the end of the session all the other couples were trying to get us to just please shut up. I'll leave it at that.

Thanks for coming over to the liver blog, everyone. I really appreciate it. I hope you are all well.

With love, T

You are Invited to Bob's Ordination

With joy and thanksgiving, we are pleased to invite you to the ordination of Bob.

And the insubordination of Bob's wife. No, just kidding.

For real:

Bob Speirs' Ordination for Word and Sacrament Ministry
1:00 p.m.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Trinity Lutheran Church
Brooklyn, New York

Hosting: The Rev. Samuel Cruz
Presiding Liturgy: The Rev. Harry Mueller
Presiding Communion: The Rev. Rachel Thorson Mithelman
Preaching: The Rev. Bob Nervig

Offering will go to the Trinity Seminarian Fund and to Lutheran World Relief.

Please come! Let us know if you are out of towners and need some NYC visiting advise. One idea is to check out the Seafarers International Center in Manhattan for lodging. Trinity is about a 30 minute subway ride from midtown Manhattan. Or a $30-40 taxi ride. Or we'll figure out a way to help visitors get to Brooklyn, from Manhattan. Quite honestly, there are not a whole lot of lodging options in Brooklyn proper. Most of the tourists tend to stay in Manhattan, so that's where they put the hotels.

In thinking about the ordination at Trinity, I got all nostalgic about Sunset Park which is the name of the Brooklyn neighborhood where Trinity is situated and where all the Speirs grew up. Where Bob and I spent our "honeymoon years." Sigh.

The twins, Mom Speirs, Carol, Ragaey, and assorted visitors still call Sunset Park home. Here's a picture I found thanks to google. An artistic rendering of the park itself, for which the neighborhood is named. You can see in the background the Manhattan skyline, which is much more pronounced when you're really there. In earlier days, when the twin towers were still up, you could reach out and touch them from Sunset Park.

The neighborhood consists of pockets of people who keep tight to their ethnic identities, Hasidic Jews, Chinese, Latino, Norwegian, Palestinian. It's like you cross national borders just by walking several blocks this way or that; hair, dress, food, chat, blaring music and all. A lot of people in Sunset Park have totally westernized and blended as regular 'ol Americans as well. It's a cool little place that does not get many tourists, if any; most artists, actors, interns, non-profit staff, or any kind of short term workers in Manhattan do not rent here. It has a very authentic flavor as people who live here, always have and always will live here. Somehow the cacophony of it all translates into the feeling of a safe and warm nesting grounds.

For those of you who might be reading this who live in Brooklyn, who go to Trinity, pardon me if I have not represented Sunset Park in the way you see it. It's just my perspective. Bob's brother, Richie, who is a 20-year NYPD veteran does not have such a romantic view of Sunset Park as I do. But I lived there for six years and I still like it.

We hope you can come to the ordination!

With love, T

Bob and Rudy

Today Bob managed to get his picture taken with Rudy Giuliani, who was campaigning in a coffee shop down the street. He pulled out all his New York City stops. Wore the FDNY baseball hat. Shouted out, "My brother is retired NYPD and worked the pit after 911!" That seemed to do it in order for Mr. Giuliani to agree to a photo. Of course Bob didn't mention that his retired NYPD brother and his NYPD buddies really hated Giuliani's police contract policies. Don't confuse a photo op with the facts.

Anyway, since Rudy is Bob's personal mayor, well, needless to say that we were all very excited for this photo. Disclaimer: The blogger would like to say that she does not necessarily advocate for the viewpoints of any of her blog subjects. In other words, the blogger comes from a politically diverse marriage and life.

I will hand it to Rudy Giuliani for one clever answer in some debate somewhere; Iowa, I suppose. Everyone was asked a question like this, "What has been your greatest mistake?" Of course all the other candidates hummed and hawed about how they don't make mistakes. Rudy said, "You only give me 30 seconds to answer that?" Great non-answer.

Isn't democracy awesome! Flawed for sure, but awesome.

With love, T

P.S. Come to think of it, I would like to highly recommend the blog of Professor Mary Hess. Everyday she posts a golden nugget that answers this: "What is it to be a person of faith living in a global media culture?"

First Day of School

We'll do this again in a month. In the meantime, I savored every second of this first day of our last month at Adams Spanish Immersion because I love this school. Amanda, 6th grade. Aidan, 3rd. Could someone please tell me when I can start up on yoga again?

Take care everyone! T

P.S. That really fast caption says this: the ultimate creature of habit heads to the cafeteria breakfast before finding his room.

Reminiscent of his greatest summer memory with dad: going out for waffles.

The Brave Mother Who Moved to Malaysia

This is Amanda and Catherine, whose mother is moving to Malaysia.

But since for me it's all about Bob's liver I have to tell you about the time that Bob gave Catherine's mother, Laura, driving lessons.

Laura's husband, Thomas, returned to Malaysia about one year ago when he finished his PhD. here at Luther Seminary. Laura still had a year of studies. In the rush of all the things to do before leaving a country, Thomas was not able to accompany Laura in her driving lessons and testing. So Bob took that over. One year ago, Bob and Laura were driving together everyday -- or should I say a little less everyday. Until one day I had to tell Laura that Bob could no longer drive with her because, well actually, Bob could no longer get out of bed. This was before we knew what was going on with Bob's liver. And you know the rest of the story.

Back then as we descended into anti-liver hell, we got a bright spot when we learned that Laura passed her driving test. And whenever I saw Laura, she told me that she and Thomas were praying over the phone for Bob's liver everyday. Because Thomas called her from Malaysia everyday. I would convey that information to Bob as he lay in casket position.

Anyway, so today Laura and Thomas' last daughter flew the coup. They have four daughters in various stages of university in four cities. Today, we took Catherine to college. We were actually quite honored to be asked to join in this event. Laura said that they needed family and they didn't have family. She asked us, Would you be our family?

Well holy cow, is that an honor or what? So of course, all eight of us -- me, Bob, Amanda, Aidan, and Mom Speirs; along with Laura, daughter #3, and daughter #4 -- packed into our duct tape colored vehicles and drove Catherine to college. We did the family picnic. Carried stuff up to her dorm room. Met the host family, as Catherine is considered an international student.

But here's the thing. Soon and very soon Mama Laura is returning home to Malaysia, leaving all four daughters here in the States. Between expense and visa hassles, she will not she her girls for a year or so. Can you imagine dropping your youngest daughter off for her freshman year and then moving exactly to the other side of the planet? I can't.

I went with Laura to the parent's meeting where they were advising parents how to "let go." They suggested that parents could take up a hobby or do something new. I whispered to Laura that she's got that covered. And what is Laura doing?

Pastor Laura and her pastor husband, are pastoring in their home country of Malaysia, as ethnic Chinese, Christians in a region of the world where the densest population of Muslims live. And how do you convert Muslims?

"You don't convert Muslims, you respect and seek to be respected," says Professor Charles Amjad Ali. "You build a relationship"

Lutheran World Relief has been doing this for decades, the interfaith respect thing. Wait a minute . . . how exactly did I get from Bob's liver to interfaith relations? Oh yes, leaving your last daughter.

Leaving your last daughter is like this. I looked out the window as Laura and Catherine held each other and said their goodbyes in Mandarin Chinese. By this time all the others had left.

Catherine went off to her next orientation. Laura and I sniffled all the way to the parking lot.

"I always tell myself that God is good," Laura said. "I never cried at any other time and now I cry when I leave my daughters."

I drove us home one-armed because Laura and I held hands the whole trip.

Me, I will not be moving to Malaysia when my kids go to university. I will be moving into the dorm room next to them. I will be a college administrator's nightmare. I will hover and protect them from all the bad people, grades, and decisions. On the day that my kids leave home, a day not so far away, I will remember this brave mother who set up her children to soar -- and then flew to another world to join her husband in creating peace.

With lots of love, T

P.S. Please pray for people who get clumped into stereotypes of, say, Christians, Muslims, Chinese, Liberal, Conservative, Word Alone, ELCA, LCMS. The more I talk to people, the more stories I hear about assumptions we make as we think we understand these groups. You really can't understand people until you listen to them. Please continue with me in prayer vigil for the the Broers' family.