Another Memoir

I just started reading this book. Continuing my interest in memoir reading. If you ever wanted a 101 version of Iranian 20th Century history, all you have to do is read the first five pages, and then you would probably want to just keep reading the whole thing.

Since Aidan is starting over in swimming lessons and they're not making him do hard stuff yet, I can now read again during lessons, instead of watch closely and then run down to the pool to save him from jumping into the deep end. "Can't you see my son is scared," I didn't have to say this to his swimming teacher this week.

I hope you are all doing well. Thanks so much for coming over to the liver blog. I'll catch you up on our heartbreak hotel soon. The long and short, Bob's open heart will likely be within the next few months or so, give or take, more or less, mas y menos, or whenever and whatever.

I've now given in to the idea that it's time to hang up pictures and actually settle in to this temporary apartment that we moved into last August. It's a great place, especially if the seminary lets us live here longer until Bob recovers from the heart break. Well, it's actually a rib break. Ok, they don't actually break the ribs but they remove them somehow, so basically it's breaking them. To fix the heart. So, I guess it's more like heartfix hotel. Because the weird thing is, this is routine. The liver is mysterious. The heart is routine. That's what it means to live in a rich country. Open heart is routine. I'll take routine.

Peace and joy, T

Everyone Needs a Good Wife

That's what my colleague Joanne said to me today. Some of you may remember Joanne as our Minister of Dirty Laundry when Bob was sick. An amazing woman to be sure. Anyway, today, I went to see her and the office we will soon share on the 15th floor of the Thrivent building in downtown Minneapolis. They are kind enough to donate space to LWR. I was feeling very anxious about moving my office there. Getting back into the commuting rat race and all. A dress code. But let me just say, I feel good. It's a stunning space and I am going to love working there.

Even got my security badge. If you saw that Night in the Museum movie you can imagine the security office and personel.

"Ma'am, I dot all my i's and cross all my t's," said the guy who evidently was the head security guy, and evidently wanted me to know that. "If you're not on the list, you're not getting a badge. That's just the way I am."

"Ok, am I not on the list?" I ask.

"Yes, you are," he said with authority. "But I just wanted you to know that if you were not on the list, you wouldn't get this badge."

Another security guy recognized the name Speirs as a Scottish name and hoped my husband wasn't a Yankees fan, when I told him he was from Brooklyn. He isn't. He said his best friend is Bobby Speirs of Chicago, who is also a Scot. I like him.

Friends, my new office is very tightly secure. And I'm IN. I'm out there. Downtown Julie Brown. Up there high atop Minneapolis with a 10-mile view of the St. Paul skyline. Yeehaw!

And what's for dinner? Tator tot casserole, of course, baked by my fabulous husband. Isn't this the loveliest table setting you've ever seen? Things are looking up, in spite of the puzzle of the heart. (More about that later for those of you not reading the liver care page site, from which I'm trying to wean myself.)

Peace and joy, T

They Made Me Believe

Hello friends and welcome to the liver blog. I really needed to get a much more beautiful picture up here and found this one with thanks to Allison Schmidt, Luther Seminary Photographer.

This is Bob and his diva liver's core team, Margaret, Elieshi, and Faith; Prophets, Pastors, and Healers, who made me believe in prayer.

Although I feel like I always want to qualify that by saying I believe in prayer not because Bob's liver healed, but because of the energy these women channeled into our apartment when they and their families would encircle a sleeping Bob in words with God. I say that as a prayer skeptic. Or as one who is really bad at it. Not my strength, put it that way. Then there's Victoria, Bob's cheerleader on campus and organizer extraordinaire. And the mama panda on a rare good hair day.

So there you have it. I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you ever wanted to give your money somewhere, you could give it to the ELCA international scholarship program because it brings people like Margaret, Elieshi, and Faith to places like Luther Seminary. And I think they saved Bob's life. And if you ever wanted to have an international experience but can't figure out how to get overseas, enroll at Luther Seminary, live on campus, and make a special effort to get to know the international students. It is extraordinary.

With love, T

Just Another Soothing Evening

This is what bedtime around here is like these days.








Darth Maul from Star Wars.
Sandy and Danny from Grease.
Darth Maul is training to rule the universe.
Summer lovin' happened so fast.

Reading the book in the little boy's room.
Singing the song in the little girl's room.
Should I worry about Darth Maul's looks and motives?
Trying to explain how Sandy and Danny actually have conflicting values.

Another back and forth. A chapter. A verse.
Good thing our apartment is small and I have my sneakers on.
Prayers.
Goodnight.

Time for the papa panda and me to settle in with the JAZZ series by Ken Burns we just checked out from the library. What the hey, with a glass of wine. For me, not the diva liver guy.

With love, T

Meet the Rosa Family

Hello and welcome to the liver blog. One thing that happened when Bob's organic bile binder booked a one way ticket out, is that a lot of people came to us. For example, the Rosa's. That is how we saw God at work all around us.
Is this the most beautiful family picture you've ever seen? Bet you can't guess which one is Janet, the mom. Janet and Richie knew Bob from Trinity in Brooklyn, way back when. We bumped into them when we were lonely and looking for a church after just moving to Catonsville, Maryland. Signing up Amanda for Sunday school, in comes a teacher for supplies. "Janet?" Bob says to her. "Robbie?" she replies. Being new in a church is the hardest thing in the world and it was soooo nice to find the Rosa's.

Anyway, to cheer us up, which it did, Richie sent us this family picture while we were holed up waiting for Bob's liver to return. Left to right, Elena, Raquel, Richie, Ivan, Janet, Veronica. On the occasion of Raquel's wedding with the spectacular Shenandoah Valley in the back. Just a day's drive from Catonsville.

Speaking of good things from Puerto Rico. I just finished this book, "The Turkish Lover," by Esmeralda Santiago. A third installment of her memoirs, a genre which I love. Ms. Santiago was introduced to me via a PBS movie that was made from her first two memoirs, the story of how her mother moved her and all her siblings from Puerto Rico to Brooklyn, New York, and how she learned English by immersion at age 12. I wanted Amanda to watch the movie because she is learning Spanish by immersion, albeit a more gentle one. For the most part the film, called "Almost a Woman" worked for her too. (Aidan was too young at the time.) Anyway, good book. Got it from the local library.

Take care out there! With love, T

Captain Underpants

Hello and welcome to the liver blog.

I wanted to tell you all that we have finally found a book series that Aidan likes and I have to say it totally cracks me up too. It's Captain Underpants and I just discovered that it has a pretty good website too. Even with a guide for adults. Captain Underpants Website

We are currently reading "Captain Underpants and the Preposterous Plight of the Purple Potty People." It makes us laugh to watch Aidan laugh as we read about Captain Underpants, his evil twin Captain Blunderpants, and other characters like the Bionic Booger Boy, Super Diaper Baby, Wacky Wedgy Woman, and Granny Girdle. The very clever author, who calls his books 'epics,' must have come right out of Aidan's brain.

Anyway, the liver lizard crawled back in its hole and we enjoyed a lovely, lovely spring day. Quiet time. Good friends. And another episode of the Grease auditions show. Go Laura from Minnesota!

Hope you are all well. Peace and joy to you.

With love, T

The Problem with Promises

Just when you think everything's all honkey dorey, the liver lizard creepy crawls into the car and mama panda has to go off and drop the F-bomb on her own cubs.

"Remind me to never f--- promise anything again," mama panda seeths into the backseat.

Mama panda actually didn't promise anything because even she knows that promises are paper thin when you never know what comes next, inside or out. But to baby pandas who were told to bring their swimsuits because they were going swimming with friends, well, I suppose that looks like a promise.

Lots of yelling back and forth. Tired ten-year-old. Parents who are not altogether there in terms of constructing a logical sequence of problem solving methods that involve strategically diffusing emotions gone wild. Little Donald Rumsfeld mostly puddles up in the crossfire and so we cuddle in the backseat after parking. Raining outside, of course. Isn't it always raining in the dark when everything goes down the drain?

So, there you go with a little Saturday night special. Melodrama for the masses. Live and let liver rule your lives. Ruining all the fun all the time, as some of the baby pandas would say.

See y'all after 12 hours of sleep. Time to get the penquin pajamas back out. T

Change at Any Age

Anyone can be trained to be a sharp shooter, that's what I've heard. So I guess all in all, it must have been pretty easy to kill Archbishop Oscar Romero with one shot in the heart, while he was presiding over the body and blood of Jesus Christ during mass on March 24, 1980, just outside of San Salvador.

It happened when I was about 17 years old, but the event didn't come to me until almost 25 years later when I went to El Salvador to meet coffee farmers. People, who, according to Romero are the 'face of Jesus.' Take a look at this coffee picker pictured below, Maria de Jesus, who I met briefly -- and you decide if you see Jesus. Put it this way, I felt Jesus on that mountain.

Anyway, there Romero was all over the place almost 25 years after his murder. On the bus windows, sides of buildings, billboards, t-shirts. Everywhere. He's as alive today as ever. And that's what he said would happen when he started to understand that he would be assassinated. That he would live in the people forever.

I think one of the most amazing aspects about Romero's story is that he wasn't a peace and justice kind of guy. He wasn't into poor people and all that. He was extremely establishment. Super status quo Catholic guy. Nice Vatican man. I mean look at his image -- is this a rebel? That's why they decided on him in as Archbishop. He wasn't one of those trouble maker priests. And yet at age 60 he changed. 60! And the next and last three years of his life were the most joyful and powerful ones. And his sermons were more popular than, I don't know, American Idol. Packed Cathedral. National broadcasts.

He pleaded with the Pope to recognize the atrocity that was happening in his country. Death squads to dissenters. Torture. Snipers. He begged the President of the U.S. to stop financing the atrocity. He counseled young soldiers to disobey orders to commit the atrocity. He loved the people especially vulnerable to the atrocity, usually rural peasants, women, and children. Like Maria de Jesus.

He called the planners of the atrocity to conversion and repentance.

Anyone can change at anytime. At your own risk of course.

I'm not trying to get all heavy on you, but this is just what I do on March 24, remember Archbishop Oscar Romero. You gotta have heroes.

A good book: Oscar Romero, Memories in Mosaic

A good website: Oscar Romero Index

A good movie: Romero Starring the late great Raul Julia.

Thanks so much for coming over to the liver blog. Happy March 24th.

Love, T

Aleena's Courage

Hello and welcome to the liver blog. I'm so glad you could come over. Today I just wanted to show you a few pictures that I thought were pretty amazing.

These first two are dedicated to Aaron Bonds, Elaine Hente, and Ruth Wagner, if you're out there. Courage over cancer X three. Please meet the beautiful Aleena, a classmate of Amanda's. Her mother gave me permission to lift these pictures off her caring bridge site, which I thought were rather inspritional. This is her string of Beads of Courage. A bead for every hospitalization, transfusion, surgery, tube insertions, radiation, chemo, each time she lost her hair, etc, etc, that now totals seven and a half feet long. We are looking at one strong little girl, my friends.

Aaron, Elaine, Ruth, Aleena, and those who love you -- may you gain even more courage in fighting the invasion of the body snatchers. May they all go away. May you all be healed.

And then there's the Dinner and a Date with God. Lonna says that's what they're calling the Lenten suppers and services at Redeemer on the northside, where Bob gave his homily last night. Elegant white table candles in the church basement and all. Very adorable! So here they are: Cheryl Chatman, the pastor's wife who also missed American Idol; Lonna the youth director and Bob's basketball colleague who wrote all those nice notes on Bob's care page that uplifted his spirits so much -- and by the way, speaking of courage, don't let Lonna's sweet face from Iowa fool you, Bob says she gives it right back when the tough guys from the neighborhood give her attitide; Jeni from Campus, you may remember who does a whole bunch of stuff for us and even our Donald Rumsfeld gravitates towards her; the Rev-to-be in his first diva liver deliverance rev-type appearance; and Amanda. GOOD-Nightshirt, as Mom Speirs would say, I'm so glad for times Amanda can spend with people like Jeni and Lonna and Cheryl.

Wishing for you all an Aleena-like courage.

With love, T

P.S. I almost forgot this one. A 2 for 1 liver transplant. This young woman's liver left the same time Bob's did, last September. But hers never came back. A February transplant. And she shared her new liver with that little baby. That's generous. Don't forget to register your organs for donation. :-) http://www.happynews.com/news/3202007/liver-transplant-saves-two.htm

Confessions of a Preacher's Wife-to-be

This is going to be short because I am blogging on American Idol which goes totally against my sensibilities. I watched it last night and I didn't even have to. My husband is no longer in eternal-sleep keeping us all housebound. But now it's too late. I'm already into it. I love Belinda. Slimy Simon is dead on in describing her as a young Gladys Knight. That Sanjaya guy totally cracks me up. The curly haired guy is really good. They all are. That crying girl was adorable and I was so happy they let her on stage to hug all the contestants. I started crying. And whenever anyone can lob a clever jab towards slimy Simon I am sadistically satisfied. Even though I know deep down that it just adds to all his celebrity. Sigh. Anyway, the Hermans Hermits guy (Peter Noon, photo) had a good one, something about the Brits being happy chaps and the ones who aren't 'come over here' i.e. to the U.S., as in the slimy guy. Plus, reminding us all that this isn't a singing contest, it's a voting contest, in essense, then, who really cares what that pathetic panel says. Oh dear, too much musing on a phenomenom that I profess to not care about. And for all my efforts to be above so-called reality TV. They got me. Now tonight I have to watch the results. Except for it's Lent, it's Wednesday, and Bob's giving the homily at Redeemer in North Minneapolis. There's another first in his recovery. But more importantly, is this the reality of what it's like to be a pastor's wife? Missing American Idol on a results night? Uh oh. I'm doomed.

On a more serious note, a good friend of mine just got some news with regards to the health of her husband that is not what we had hoped for. Can't say much now, except for that I'm starting to understand better what it's like to wish you could do something and to feel so far away and to wait for that caringbridge site to be set up. Strength. Courage. Prayer. Yoga Suits. That's the best I could offer.

Thanks again everyone for coming over to the liver blog. You're the best. With love, T

P.S. Re: parental angst of yesterday -- We had excellent parent/teacher conferences last night plus the dentist found -0- cavities today. Amanda's teacher said it was a joy to have her gentle maturity in class. Aidan's teacher said that he raises his hand and participates in class. Holy cow. I'm taking all that as more signs of the grace of God, given that we basically ignored the kids all year.

Baking, Making, and Taking

Do you ever wonder if you're teaching your kids all the stuff they need to know for when they go away, or for when they start believing their friends more than they believe you?

Maybe it's because we have not eaten around the table together all year (aka Bob's diva liver) I'm thinking about this. Ten-years-old today seems older than it used to be. Like it's really 15. Or like 15 on the outside and 5 on the inside. That awkward inbetween time of growing up. You just really start to think about how much kids need, especially the ones who look mature, but really are not. They are just still little kids, but are treated with much higher expectations because they seem so much older. But they are not. They are just children. And they need so much from all of us.

I'm thinking about the fresh idealistic college students I met at Gustavus last Saturday, including the President of the Fair Trade Club who made a special effort to meet me. I'm realizing that Amanda also took in all the information about the cocoa farmers in Ghana. I'm thinking about the boy who is getting kicked out of a church because he started a fight, wondering what he is taking in about the unconditional love of God that is bigger than everything. I'm thinking about the adults who are afraid of the noise and the confusion of the kids. And how we adults teach stuff all the time, whether we want to or not.

Amanda says that her mom makes beds really good. She asked me if I could make her bed today so that it's pretty. I am wishing I could make some kind of a cushion to take us through this stage, which I think will be too long. And yet when it's over, my little girl will be grown up.

Just thinking for today. Thanks so much for coming over to the liver blog. Cheers to all of you.

With love, T

Marvelous Night for a Moondance

If you ever want to have a terrific Irish experience you must come to St. Paul, Minnesota on St. Patrick's Day. The spectacular St. Paul Cathedral. Pubs galore. Bagpipes. You remember ex-governor Jesse Ventura's infamous quote about the city being planned by a 'bunch of drunken Irishmen.' That got him into a blarney of a trouble. Someone even left kelly green bagels at the door of Sandgren.

And then there's the St. Paul Irish Dancers featuring our very own neighbor, Claire Patterson. Real and traditional Irish dancing. The joy and energy of tap, ballet, clogging, and African drumming all together. Many of the dancers wore the big bouncy curling hair pieces which we couldn't figure out how it stays in place with all that dancing.

Thanks, Claire, for the fantastic dance rectial! Complete with Irish folk reader in costume. They danced to all Irish music, including Van Morrison's "Moondance" which has always been a favorite for both Bob and me.

The talk at Gustavus went just wonderful. How can you not love being with college students who give up a Saturday to learn how to change the world. It helped that Bob sharpened all the pencils for the Pop Chocolate Quiz. P.S. In case you were wondering, the tools used to harvest cocoa include a long pole with a sharp edge attached, human hands, and a basket.

And to top it off, Chan's Mother sent down this chicken salad that was so pretty that I had to take a picture of it before devouring it.

Beautiful things come in so many different packages.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Love, T

Happy Birthday Lorraine!

In celebration of Bob's sister Lorraine's birthday, I wanted to show you some of the portraits that I found on Amanda's camera. Not that I'm biased, but I think she has a pretty good eye, if I do say so myself.

And here's another Bob Speirs first -- today was his first time driving by himself. Got his license renewed 1,2,3 and off he went to the office store to get his new 2007 desk calendar and then to the Hoover store to get a new vacume belt. Fleet Farm and Menards coming up next. That's where he will get Lorraine's birthday present. A purse in the style of a fish or something like that.

So, here are a few pictures of Lorraine and the cute living things she loves -- ever handsome husband Aiman, purry furry Abbey, big heart brother Richie, and the most lovely Output of her personal hair designer. With thanks to our little Annie Lebowitz, aka Amanda.

I tried to upload some salsa music for the dancing I wish we were having together for the birthday party, but it just didn't work. I'm thinking of the salsa steps Lorraine taught me. . .

Happy birthday, Lorrie! Love, T

Festival of Lights

Hello and welcome to the liver blog. Just wanted to share with you the thank you we sent to our church. More thank yous to more churches and people coming soon.

*
With Thanks to Christ Lutheran Church on Capitol Hill.

If you have a chance to take a look at the Festival of Lights serigraph in the gallery, you will get an idea of how it is for us since Bob got sick. People coming to us.

Before anyone much knew about it, even us, Ann Fecht notices the kids coming to church alone and comes to us with a catered meal.

When we were at the bottom, Pastor Sue comes to us as I cry into the cell phone that they’re talking about a liver transplant (to be clear, Bob’s liver totally regenerated and there is no need for a transplant). And she comes to us over and over with bread and wine; long after our capacity leaves to answer the phone or answer the door. Social niceties gone, Pastor Sue comes.

Dave comes to us to pick up the kids for Sunday school, making sure they make it for the Christmas program. Joy brings us good news of great joy with a tape of the program, and with the simple knowing that our kids get a rich Christmas, in spite of the tomb that was our home.

People come to us via the internet through Bob’s care pages, which really save us when we are isolated in our ‘cave’ as Pastor Sue calls it. Can't go out nor can we let anyone in. Too creepy. And yet, there are all the names of people logging on which move us so deeply that we weep almost every time I read the names off to Bob, about twice daily.

The CLCW come to us with a generous gift and then with even more people coming to us. When Bob starts to recover and we can let people in, they come with food and conversation and listening ears and amazing stories. And it is the turn from inside to out. Ash Wednesday is Bob’s first trip to church, and we were already been greeted by many of you through the fabulous home visits. A highly recommended transition.

And then there’s the benefit, which is like dying and going to heaven, except not really dying. Living and going to heaven. Is that what they mean when they say the Kingdom of God is near? I’ve heard of a trip around the world, but now we know the trip around the universe. Hell. Heaven. And back to earth with an existence that is so much richer because of the newfound understanding that the Grace of God is bigger than any kind of evil that lurks within or around.

And now as we live in the wake of the miracle of Bob’s total healing, we would like to thank all of you for coming to us and showing us that God’s love is bigger than we can imagine. Even months ago when we did not know the fate of Bob’s liver nor his other vital organs, it was clear to us that whatever happened, there is no way to adequately thank everyone who comes to us, except to live a life of gratitude, however long that life is. We seek to show that gratitude too through our family blog, to which you are all invited, rollingontheliver.blogspot.com.

And so we thank you, dear sisters and brothers in Christ Church on Capitol Hill. Thank you for coming to us. In prayer, support, thought, conversation, communion, and celebration. You are a festival of light.

With love, Bob, Terri, Amanda, Aidan, and Mom Speirs (who is now returned to Brooklyn, New York)

Artist Note: "My original thought was that this would be a procession of children from every city and town. The children would bring light and peace to the world. They would gather from many places, joining an unending procession towards peace and nonviolence for all children of the world." -John August Swanson

We Feel So Empty

It's kinda sad around here with Mom Speirs gone. And you should see the pile of dirty dishes. Time to fire up the dishwasher, which Mom Speirs didn't think was necessary. She washed every dish by hand everyday, by herself. And every new situation seems to produce and old flashback. So last night as I slept back on my own side of the bed, with Amanda in Mom Speirs' former space which used to be the office, and Bob still on his brown chair; I kept thinking about how that's how this started. Bob sleeping in the living room because he didn't want to disturb me, way back last September-October. Until one night I was stunned with the severity of how his body and spirit had been invaded. I think it was my first witnessing of a scratch attack. Itching from the inside. It was the way Bob stared so blankly during the attack that scared me. A liver failure special. And I could no longer sleep in the back bedroom either. It's like I had to keep Bob close because I could see he was being pulled far away somewhere else. We should've asked The Friends for a spiritual housecleaning right then and there, but no coulda, woulda, shoulda's allowed.

So all last night, knowing Mom Speirs was gone, I kept hoping that it was really true that Bob has healed and that he was OK by himself in the living room. Usually, he and Mom Speirs would have late night chats, long after I went to sleep.

Mom Speirs likes to read that little devotional booklet called "Christ in Our Home." The other day she came across this: In our individual times of testing, one of the important ways that God is faithful is by sending to us persons who weep with us, pray with us, and encourage us.

Bob and I know this to be true.

We got word that when she arrived in Brooklyn, the twins wrapped around her in a Grandma sandwich and then she got to the business of giving them baths.

Meanwhile, the four of us ordered a pizza, pulled chairs around the kitchen table, and had a meal all together for the first time since, I don't know, last summer. It was nice.

Finally, I just thought that this self portrait of Aidan was cute. He took it just after the Ash Wednesday service at Christ Church on Capitol Hill.

Peace and joy to you, Friends.

With love, T

Thanksgiving and Blessing for Mom Speirs

Friends, I don't know how it is possible to take in so many events back to back. A colleague of mine said that they did their graduation, wedding, and ordination all in one month. That's kind of what this feels like. Again, friends, family, and neighbors came to help us thank Mom Speirs for all that she has done for us. Honestly, we could have never made it through this time without her. She flies back today with Richie and Lori. Thank you, everyone, for showing your love and gratitude towards Mom Speirs.

On top of it all, it seems that everyday and every interaction is like living in the wake of a miracle. People ask, 'What is Bob's status.' And I say, 'His liver failed, and now it is completely healed.' And the response is usually, PRAISE GOD, IT IS A MIRACLE. And just as the extent of Bob's illness came to me after the worst of it, so it is with the miracle too.

Yesterday, our dear friend Magdi from Cairo, Egypt came to campus. I'm finding a family picture and will blog on his family who became such close friends to us when they were here. Complete with a never-forget trip to the Wisconsin Dells. Imagine how we felt when in his talk he said that he and Heba got down on their knees and prayed for Bob the minute they had received the news about the liver. More about their amazing work in a future dispatch.

Anyway, just trying to come down a bit from all of this. Like Richie said last night at the Service, You think you're alone, but you're really not. And like Colombo, Mom Speirs will be back.

With love, T

P.S. During the ceremonial handing over of the laundry detergent and butcher knife, which Marc so brilliantly orchestrated, I'm wondering how many other people noticed the determination with which Mom Speirs grabbed the blade side of the big knife.

With a Little Help from our Friends. Benefit Pictures.

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The best thing to do when your husband has a diva liver deliverance is to bring extra batteries for your camera at the subsequent benefit event. Especially if it is one of the most amazing events of your life. That way you can be sure to get more than 20 minutes worth of photos before the camera dies. Because you really just want to get pictures of all the 280 or so people who showed up.

This morning at church Mr. Kolstad, who handled the finances of it all, came up to me with more cards and mentioned the excel spread sheet that he had created. He shook his head and said he's never seen anything like this. I said me niether, and then asked,'You created an excel spread sheet?' The intracacies of the conduction of this event have boggled me. It seemed like an act of engineering brillance to put all this together. Everyone got a number at the front entrance. We saw people on the cell phone calling people upstairs to channel people from the bake sale to the dinner according to their number. Like the FBI was there or something.

In fact, the FBI was there because we got a card from an old friend, a former young intern in my office who is now working for the FBI. How did he hear about this? I suppose from his parents, who were also there. And another card from Mrs. Elsie Feistner from Madison, SD, who will get a whole blog dispatch dedicated to her because she was my first introduction to Lutheran World Relief. She and her stashes of school kits, soap, quilts, quilt making materials, and so much more.

In short, Bob and I are absolutely stunned. Honestly, we had no idea how big God's grace is. This morning Pastor Sue announced in church how much fruit the benefit yeilded, as in the dollar amount. I'm still processing that and am not quite ready to post it here. It's an insane figure.

Anyway, thanks a lot friends.

With love, T

About the Benefit. The Lutheran Woodstock.

I think this is my favorite picture, but I haven’t seen them all yet. My Dad and Pastor Sue. Who would ever think that I could ever get a picture like this? The truck driver and the pastor. Turns out they would chat about the Iditarod, the famous dog sledding race in Alaska, which Pastor Sue used to run when she and Dave were pastors North of Nome. My pastor is a Norwegian dogsledder.

“That woman is lost in the Alaskan wilderness,” Pastor Sue said to my Dad.

“They found her,” my Dad reported back. I didn’t even know that my Dad followed Alaskan dog sledding.

And that’s what the benefit was like. People connecting. A love in.

Amanda’s school friend, Elowyn said, “That piano player sounds like my piano teacher.” Turns out, it was her piano teacher, who is the organist from one of the Bob’s internship churches, Minnehaha Communion. The amazing Jeonglim Kim.

For some reason I have this fantasy or something that everyone we know could know each other and like each other. I don’t know why. Yet that’s kind of what it was like. My Uncles mingling with Bob’s Brother. My LWR Director Brenda, meeting my good friend John, who came with our next door neighbors, little Soyoung's family. People from the internship church with aprons and brooms working at our present day church. Aidan's friend, Tim, who thought I was leaving because he had heard that 'Mom Speirs' was going back to Brooklyn.

Like a utopia. Like how it could be. Like a perfect garden of Eden before sin. Just love.

This is your life, is what it was, like everyone from everywhere showing up. Martha, my best friend and her family. Marit, our real estate agent. Brenda, my LWR Director from Baltimore. And people from Minnehaha Communion, Our Redeemer, River of Life, Adams Spanish Immersion, Luther Seminary and our home church who hosted the event, Christ Lutheran Church. People from King of Kings Lutheran Church, friends of my aunt's cousin, who also happen to know our Tanzanian neighbors. Believe it or not, there were some people with whom I had to say, “I’m sorry, but I don’t know who you are.” They would say that they just heard about this, and they wanted to come. How big is the grace of God? My brother, Trey, with the home theater agreed to a Broken Trail showing in April or May.

So many people asking me, “Is Mom Speirs here? I want to meet her!” Yes, she was.

And others asking, “Is your brother the paramedic-extraordinaire here? I want to meet him.” No, he wasn’t. Funny thing, he was in Baltimore at a paramedic convention, just blocks away from my work’s headquarters. I’m on the cell phone trying to explain to him how to get to my building.

Looking back is like looking in or out or over there.

“I don’t want to say this in front of anyone else, but I think Bob is dying,” is what I said to my director Brenda, when she came to take my projects last November. I took her to a back room before admitting this.

“I didn’t want to say anything, but there was a dark cloud over Bob,” is what brother Richie said to us about when he came in from Brooklyn last November.

“I didn’t want to say anything, but death was in your apartment,” is what Kathy Mackdanz said, about when she and Bobbie came over right before Christmas, bearing gifts from Minnehaha Communion Lutheran Church.

It kind of feels like a dream. And we are filled with the grace of God. What world am I living in? What the world needs now is love. Everyday.

Love, T

Mom Speirs goes to the salon

When we drove out of the driveway on the way to the salon -- Mom Speirs, Amanda, and I -- we realized that it was the first time Bob had been left alone since last November. That is, unless you count Donald Rumsfeld who is running around the building with his friends as company.

Lot's of firsts. Like this too, the first time Mom Speirs went to the salon since coming to Minnesota last November.

The hair designer, Elaine, is a keeper. Anyway, just thought her hair turned out very nice and that these pictures were cute.

With love, T

Ph.D. in Humility

Washing of the Feet, a seragraph by John August Swanson

Artist's note: "The theme of this picture encourages us to show love for all and true humility of spirit. . .We are called to treat all with respect and to serve in our community in different capacities."

When I was a camp counselor in South Dakota, especially at NeSoDak which is situated on a lake, we would sometimes do foot washings with the campers to remember how we are supposed to live a life of humility like Jesus did. Once in a seminary course, Bob and classmates also were lead by their instructor to wash eachother's feet. In both cases there are people, me being one, who stand away saying it's not for them. It's one thing for Jesus to teach it and illustrate how to do it. But really, we can get the concept without actually having to do it ourselves. True.

It's not a problem for Bob, though. He offered to wash everyone's feet in the class. He had washed feet for 17 years, essentially, in his work as a prosthetist and orthotist. Fitting and fabricating braces and artificial limbs. He was all over New York City in people's homes, casting feet, and then wiping off the plaster residue when completed. Not everyone in his shop could do that either. Bob was the first person that the boss would send out, especially to the tough clients in the rough neighborhoods.

When Bob was in the valley of the shadow of death, his skin was like that of a burn patient's or at least as we imagine. We opened up the Supersonic Spa, operating around the clock in our apartment in order to bring some small relief to the burning. Foot washing was one of the spa's main events.

So this morning of the Bob Speirs Family benefit, I am thinking about humility. And how it comes to you even when you think you're doing pretty good. I'm quite humble enough, is the catch 22 of that. Even one month into Bob's sickness we both told God that we are humbled, alright already, enough already, we got the message, now please take this sickness away. 2 months. 3,4,5,6 months later.

Advanced education in Humility, Love, Kindness, Gratitude, Grace. Is there anything else worth learning? It's been amazing. I hope you will go to the artist's website and see more of his works. http://johnaugustswanson.com

With love, T

P.S. There is a John August Swanson exhibit presently at our church gallery, Christ Church on Capitol Hill in St. Paul, where they're hosting the benefit.

Why is chocolate so messy?

Chocolate starts to melt at 94 degrees Fahrenheit, which is about body temperature. That's why good chocolate melts in your mouth. And good chocolate is what I am presenting on next Saturday at Gustavus Adolphus College in St. Peter, Minn.

The good thing about presenting on good chocolate is that you have something good to give to the young intern who is coordinating your workshop, the one to whom you keep turning in stuff late and to whom you keep changing your mind and to whom you become high maintenance when she is just trying to do a good job.

Anyway, don't you love the artwork on the packaging? Traditional West African Adrinka symbols, described also as the philosophical alphabet. Each symbol has its own meaning like endurance and perseverance, beauty, learning from the past, and God's presence. There are 11 million cocoa farmers in West Africa. And it really gets messy when you're not sure if that figure includes the child slaves that the chocolate industry demands. That's also why this chocolate is good, no child slaves. Don't you just hate child slavery?

With thanks to my V.P. this picture is of children from a coop in Ghana, where the cocoa farmers are part owners in the Divine chocolate company, along with LWR. A good life could be another symbol for beauty.

How much cocoa does it take to produce a chocolate bar? One tree's whole crop for the year makes three 3.5 ounce bars like the mint dark chocolate bar pictured above.

What I learned today. Here's to the semi-sweet transition back to work. The LWR Chocolate Project. http://www.lwr.org/chocolate

With love, T

The Benefit of a Great Supervisor. Bob got Harry.

Some seminary students get really lucky on their internship year, hooking up with a parish who loves them and a pastoral supervisor who teaches them a thing or two.

And then there's Bob, who got not one but two churches which he adored. And he got Pastor Harry. Harry not only has the same hair style and humor as Bob, but he can also play jazz piano, cook gourmet, grow a garden of eden, and throw incredible parties to which we get invitations. Bob got Harry who can preach about God's compassion and justice and mercy like few can. Bob got Harry who counts his work to end apartheid in South Africa and to host unaccompanied children in his home among his greatest acheivements along with marrying Martha. :-) Bob got Harry who convenes a city-wide super nova planning committee for the Bob Speirs Family benefit, incorporating the internship parishes, Minnehaha Communion and Our Redeemer, and much more.

Here's to the parish internship year at seminary, and to all the churches, pastors, and people who agree to love and teach all the Revs-to-be. And we thank God that Bob got Harry.

With love, T

The Coach Came Back

Hello and welcome to the liver blog! Is this slide show slickity-doo-da or what! We all went to see Bob's basketball team yesterday at Christ the King Lutheran Church in New Brighton, Minn.

Looking forward to more slide shows. Hope this works on your computers.

With love, T

You must see this movie: Broken Trail

If all you want is a good 'ol western. . .good guys, bad guys, guns and fights, fancy horsemanship, mysterious cowboys. . .you will be completely satisfied with this movie. If you want more, you will get more.

We watched this Robert Duvall movie last night with friends. A flick we ran across during the endless channel surfing back when Bob first woke up from his virtual coma. How the west was lost. The global trade of horses and humans. Utterly despicable and stunningly sweet characters. And so many great lines like, 'You will not hurt the children, no sir.' Children destined for lives as high priced exotic celestials.

Love, loss, respect, redemption, justice, Prentis and so much more. Starting over and second chances. I didn't know Robert Duvall had so much heart and soul and depth. Is he a prophet? And his sidekick actor is brilliant too. Like I said before, our churches need more Thomas Haden Churches to recognize and right the wrongs with such decision and precision. Isn't that the whole point of Christianity? Isn't that the whole reason why Jesus came to save the world? To bring justice and mercy to an untamed world.

And just when you think all the wrongs are righted, at the end the tender character you love, Prentis Ritter says, 'You make me sound like a war profiteer.' And the disturbing thing is, he is, though he didn't know it until the end. Even more disturbing is you wonder if we all are. All unwitting collaborators in great global evil. And you again remember how much you need the mercy. Robert Duvall is amazing.

You must see this movie. See it alone or better yet with friends. It's 3 hours long so be sure to serve food. Or read the book. Then please comment on our message board on the right. We'd love to see your thoughts. We have this idea to write up a Bible study to go with it but Bob had to go and recover so quickly that we ran out of time. Still have a mind to do it, though. Would make a great church retreat, or adult session at Outlaw Ranch Family Camp.

Take good care.

Love, T

More Signs of Life

Hello! Thank you for coming over to the liver blog. We're re-entering life and yesterday some real beauties returned to us.

Catching up on work-related stuff, I bumped into this photo. On the left is Josh, a seminary student in Chicago who won an LWR scholarship to go to Nicaragua to visit coffee farmers, and nine-year-old Julito whose family hosted Josh for his home stay. How old is the youngest coffee picker you ever met? Last I heard about Josh was from his pastor who had left a sterling reference on my answering machine sometime last October. I never returned that call as we were descending into Bob's valley. And now look at this, Josh made it to Julito's mountain.

And then there's Omar, one of Bob's basketball all-stars from North Minneapolis. You may remember that one of the last things Bob was up to before his diva liver left us, was looking for Omar to see how he was doing. Omar's mother was worried. Never got that done either. And out of the snowy white sky, who calls last night? Omar. Had no idea Bob was sick, back in town, will visit next week. 'You gotta get to college,' Bob says.

Finally, I'm introducing a new regular posting that I'll do on occasion. On the road with Milford Mork Trucking. Thought it would be a fun way to keep up with a trucker's comings and goings, and since my Dad happens to be one, well there we go. By the way, he really did have to drive through that awful snow storm yesterday, from Rochester, Minnesota to Bismark, North Dakota. 'Piece of cake,' he says. Here goes . . .

On the Road with Milford Mork Trucking.
Currently: in Billings, Montana.
Destination: Minnesota.
Hauling: just unloaded produce for Safeway Grocery Stores; hoping for a return load.
Comment: Drove all day yesterday without a white line.

With love, T